fonzi has gone to the bridge - feel guilty

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fonzi has gone to the bridge - feel guilty

Postby funnybunny » Fri Mar 11, 2011 9:47 pm

Hi guys - my rabbit fonzi began having bladder probs 8 months ago and has had 2 operations for his problems, had drips in his little ears etc and it broke my heart. The other day he was fine (it was 2 months after his last op but the vet had told me his bladder stones would defo come back just a matter of time). On wed he had been running round the garden and eating his pellets and hay but by evening he was very ill, weeing all over, straining and not moving and laying in his litter tray. I gave him painkillers and baytril and decided to take him to vets next morning.when I got there they said he was very ill and said he would need anaesthetic for xrays and possible ops again. I couldn't see him suffer any more for this recurrent problem and had him put to sleep. I just feel so guilty, his bonded best friend is looking for him and I miss him so much he was like a family member to me with so much personality. I need to know that I did the right thing, the vet said he couldn't tell me what to do but having him pts would be kind coz his problems would recur over and over. Sorry its long and thanks for reading. Just miss the little fella sooooo much X
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Re: fonzi has gone to the bridge - feel guilty

Postby nytquill17 » Fri Mar 11, 2011 10:38 pm

I commented on your other post, but just want to say again, so sorry for your loss :(

It's normal to feel guilty, and a whole host of other things too. It's a big responsibility to make that decision for another living being and it's different from being told there's no choice or nothing we could've done or they couldn't be saved. Instead we are making the choice ourselves, and we wonder did we do the right thing, was there something else I could've tried, did I give up to soon...we can go round and round like this in our thoughts.

At some point we have to come to grips with the fact that we can never know the future, or even all the facts about the present - and yet we still had to make a choice. You make the best choice you can with what you know and you can't ask any more than that.

My personal feeling, looking at it...you know he'd been having these problems that required massive treatment and recovery time and were painful for him, you knew they were going to keep coming back and in fact had come back. You had a choice between allowing him to go through more illness and pain just to get a little more time, or allowing him to go peacefully so the pain would stop while he still had basically a good life. If it had dragged on and on eventually the balance of his life would've been more negative than positive. It's a horrible, horrible decision to have to make, but I think that in the end you were both honest and selfless and decided in his best interests rather than what you may have wanted.

It can still take time to really believe you've done the right thing and stop second-guessing yourself. I can't speak for everyone, but I would rather always feel a bit guilty, a bit questioning over something like this than to be completely sure of myself and never look back. I'd never want to reach a point where it doesn't affect me at all. But it does get easier, unfortunately the only way out is through.
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Thanks, Liv, it's lovely!

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Re: fonzi has gone to the bridge - feel guilty

Postby Bindi » Fri Mar 11, 2011 11:50 pm

I agree wholeheartedly with everying nyt just said. Fonzi wouldn't have lived forever, none of us do, and you did this out of love for him which was the right thing to do. I think you know it was, deep down, but I know after B's death that people can tell you you were right all they like but you have to console yourself in your heart. Did I do the right thing for B? Yes. Did I wait too long? Probably. Could I have known it was too long? No, although letting go is the hardest thing ever and I know that I was delaying it.

I won't forget the decision I made. I've got to remember that we can only do the best job we can and I had no alternative with B. As has already been said, he would have continued to suffer with this and what you did was mercy for him so that he had a good life and then went to the Bridge as peacefully as possible. You gave him a chance to get better, so it isn't like you baulked your responsibility to him.

Massive hugs to you and your other bunny x
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Re: fonzi has gone to the bridge - feel guilty

Postby funnybunny » Sat Mar 12, 2011 11:33 pm

Thank u so much for your kind words - your replies have made me feel much more reassured in my choice. I know I made the choice that was kindest for fonzi - putting him through more anaesthetics for x-rays and bladder ops would have been more for my benefit and not his. He had a lovely life and I'm glad I could give him that - I just miss him jumping up on the settee and licking me, jumping off his chair and running to me when I call him and begging for treats! I'm glad that the day before he died the sun was shining so we let him out in the front garden where he was binkying and jumping around. I also thought - on thurs morning when we were taking him to the vets and I knew what in my heart what would happen - I noticed a big rainbow! First one I've seen for ages. I got his ashes back today so I feel relieved by that. Suppose all I can do now is remember the good times and give my remaining rabbit the best life I can. Thanks again for your supportive replies - it helps talking to people who know how much losing a rabbit can hurt - people don't understand what beautiful pets rabbits make and losing them is immense.

Binky free little fonzi u will be in my heart forever xx
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Re: fonzi has gone to the bridge - feel guilty

Postby nytquill17 » Sun Mar 13, 2011 1:05 am

Feel free to talk if it helps. There's always so many things we don't think of when they're here but we notice ourselves missing once they're gone. Sometimes talking about it can help clear your head. Sometimes you have to come back to it a few times, too. Life has changed permanently and it can be hard to get your mind around that - but that doesn't mean that life doesn't also go on and that there aren't new and wonderful things waiting in the wings.

I haven't lost a rabbit (my husband's first rabbit died early on in our marriage, so while I knew her I wasn't close to her the way he was, whereas Sniff is MY rabbit). But I have had cats nearly all my life and while not every loss affected me deeply, many of them did, and it's exactly like you say, immense. One that was probably my closest companion and I lost him very unexpectedly...the first few days it was like being in a fog, you kind of go through the regular motions but you're not really present. And after that it still took me ages, I would wake up in the mornings feeling this sort of weight - I don't mean a heart attack but just that the grief was almost physical. And I remember at one point crying and thinking how sick and tired I was of crying, and yet knowing I wasn't done crying yet either. But that was the first sign that I was coming back around. And for a long time after that I still missed him deeply and felt sad thinking of him. But in time, now I still do miss him and wish we had had more time together, but it's not a constant presence in my life. It's not that I've forgotten, his living and his dying both changed my life forever, but eventually other things also come into your life and you make peace with the things that have gone out of your life in the same way you accept and adjust to the new things that come in. You recognize that life has changed - that life IS change, in fact - and you come to accept and enjoy the new status quo for what it is.

It takes time, and it takes a different amount of time for everyone, but it DOES happen. You just can't force it, you can't skip past the grieving and the hurting parts, much as we want to, that's part of the process and we have to go through it with no shortcuts or we don't get to the next bit.

*hugs*
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Thanks, Liv, it's lovely!

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Re: fonzi has gone to the bridge - feel guilty

Postby jennyc1013 » Sun Mar 13, 2011 8:12 am

I'm so sorry to hear that fonzi has gone.

I agree entirely with what nyt and bindi said - whilst it is an increadibly difficult decision to stop doing more, it has to be made at some point to avoid putting him through too much. I wish they could talk, cos i'm sure he would have said to you that he didn't want more pain and stress and anaesthetics.
It's so hard, every time, even if you have hundreds of animals, they all make such a big impact on our lives.

Take comfort in the fact that he had an amazing life with you, and a much longer one than he would have had with many other people.
Massive hugs for you and his friend.

Binky free fonzi bun...
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